December 2004

Hailyn Nielsen • Time to Panic

August 14, 2004. 1:17 a.m. Today will probably be a normal summer Saturday for most people. But, I will be subjected to a rigorous and painful evaluation of my reasoning and writing skills, and my retention of the science I’ve learned over my past five years of schooling. In less than seven hours, I’ll be taking the MCAT, the Medical College Admissions Test—and here I am wide-awake.

2:02 a.m. I don’t know why I’m so worried. This test only determines whether I’m good enough to study medicine, whether I really understood and can apply the knowledge I’ve been so diligently pursuing, and whether I’ll have to drastically alter my future plans. No sweat.

7:30 a.m. I shouldn’t even take this test now—I could take it next April. I’m just not ready. I could have studied more. I should have studied more. I can still study more. I’m feeling a little under the weather, although I suspect that the twisting and turning in my stomach, the pain in my forehead, and the tightness in my chest have to do with nerves and not the flu.

7:45 a.m. Checklist time. Black pens, No. 2 pencils, erasers, two forms of identification, admissions ticket, passport-size photo, granola bars, water, Diet Mountain Dew, flash cards for biology and physics, lunch, magazine to read, paper to practice writing before the essay section, CD player with headphones, sweatshirt in case I get cold, flip-flops in case I get hot, Gummy Bears, money for the parking garage.… Have I forgotten anything? I hope I haven’t forgotten anything.

8:41 a.m. Well, I got here. I may as well take the test. I could always void my scores before I leave if I don’t think it goes well. I really need this to go well. I just forgot everything I studied!

10:43 a.m. Physics down; biology, chemistry, essays, and verbal reasoning to go. I know I screwed physics up. I ran out of time. I didn’t remember which is the second law of thermodynamics and which is the first. I should just not go back to my seat after the bathroom break.

11:57 a.m. At least I know everyone else did as poorly on that as I did. How can you study for verbal reasoning? I’m halfway done, so I may as well finish. This next section doesn’t matter that much. I can write a 30-minute essay with my eyes closed. I’ll do biology flash cards until lunch is over. Is it really necessary to make it an eight-hour test? This is a stamina thing. They just want to know if I can make it through. And I can.

2:03 p.m. What ridiculous essay prompts! Oh, well, I should start thinking about biology. “Fetal hemoglobin has a higher affinity for oxygen.”—True. Crap, what does the pituitary gland secrete? I guess it’s not the end of the world if I can’t become a doctor—just the end of that particular dream. I could be a lawyer. I could still be a rock star. That one would make Mom and Dad happy. There should be more microbiology on this test. I know microbiology. It’s all this human biology that gets me. Maybe I really shouldn’t be a doctor.

4:59 p.m. That may have been the most unpleasant ordeal I’ve ever endured. I wonder when I get my scores?

August 30, 2004. 11:29 a.m. I remember the second law of thermodynamics! Man, I really screwed that test up. I’ll just be a lawyer. No, forget it—they have to take the LSAT. I know there’s no exam to become a rock star.

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