October 2004

Hailyn Nielsen • I Wish I Knew

For more than four years now, I’ve worked on-and-off in a lab, researching such topics as sexually transmitted diseases, tuberculosis, and the sleeping disorders of fruit flies. I’ve wanted to be a scientist for as long as I can remember. Well, there was a brief time during high school when I was convinced I would not know happiness unless living the life of a rock star. However, my lack of musical talent quickly squelched that dream, and it was back to being a scientist.

Recently, more practical concerns have started settling uneasily in my chest. Can I really work at a lab bench pipetting miniscule volumes of biological compounds and caring for stocks of emotionless bacteria for the rest of my life? I don’t know.

As my dad has pointed out, you don’t meet a lot of new people in the lab; the nature of the work is solitary. Dad seems to think my charm and wit would be wasted conversing with bacteria all day long. I just don’t know.…

The aspect of research science that most frightens me, however, is the repetitiveness. Being able to repeat an experiment and derive the same results is one of the basic rules of lab work—which, obviously, means doing the same thing over and over again. My mother insists that any profession is repetitive, and I suppose she’s right. I don’t know.…

There is one thing I do know: I’m getting more than sick of going to class every day. I’ve already devoted my summers since I was a high school sophomore and my entire undergraduate career thus far to a career in research science. I’ve reached a point where I can actually contribute to the work of others. I don’t know if I can switch gears and knock myself back to square one again. If I only knew.…

Then there’s the other concern. At 20, I’m feeling the tick of the biological clock. According to Oprah (clearly a reliable source), a woman’s first decline in fertility occurs at age 29, around the time when I’ll finally be finishing all my schooling! That leaves me only nine years to bag a good husband, establish financial stability, and start popping out kids. Maybe I should pursue 9-5, Monday-through-Friday work, so I can devote more time to my future family, although I can’t imagine being happy with any career I could compartmentalize so easily. And, with divorce rates as high as they are, I suppose I’d better keep myself in a position to support whatever family I’ve amassed. Who knows.…

Despite all my concerns about pursuing a career in research science, I’ll never be able to convince myself that I don’t love it. Mom and Dad continually point out how nice it would be to have a doctor or lawyer in the immediate family. I think I could do either, but I know I could love neither. I guess unless the music industry comes round to realize my rock star marketability, I’ll stick with emotionless bacteria and late nights in the lab.

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